It is hard to believe that Logan is fifteen.
It seems like yesterday that he was sleeping on my chest every night.
I will never forget his little hands and feet. He had the brightest blue eyes I have ever seen.
Let me back up. On March 27th I was woke up by labor pains. I knew instantly that it was time. But I also knew I had time. So I told Logan's biological father that I felt like I was in labor. He just looked at me and went back to sleep. I decided to walk to the store and buy something.
While there I had a contraction. The woman behind corner asked me if I was okay. I said, oh yeah I am just in labor. I have plenty of time.
We went to Bob and Maggie's house. I do not remember a lot. I just remember sitting on the couch contracting. But they were not close enough and I did not want to be sent home. So I waited and contracted. Bob sat with me while I contracted. He watched me like I was a time bomb.
I told Logan's aunt Mary that I was in labor. She did not believe me. So I went with her to clean an office. I sat while she cleaned. She made me sit on plastic because she was afraid my water would break.
After that she took me to the hospital. It was about 8pm on Sunday night. They checked me and I was 5 centimeters dilated. No turning back he was on the way.
The nurse broke my water and the pain was extraordinary. I remember Mary patting my hand during the contraction and Kenny just standing there confused. That is all I really remember about him being there.
The funny thing was Mary would talk on the phone between contractions. She is a real idiot but I am glad someone was there besides Kenny. It is not like I really had anyone to support me at that time.
I was lonely until the moment Logan was born.
Anyway a man came in an gave me my epidural. I wanted to marry that man. He was beautiful. The pain was gone and I was finally able to relax.
I was finally able to relax. I remember them coming in and putting a heart monitor on his forehead. I am not sure if that was before or after the epidural, but it has been 15 years.
I remember after a while. I started to feel pressure. I told the nurse that I thought he was coming. She told me that she thought it would be about 8am. I did not think so because I was starting to feel pain again. It was not contractions.
I think it was about 2 or 3 am. I think finally I started feeling a lot of pressure. I wanted it out. My back was killing me. In the chaos of the moments after that, I do not remember when I started pushing. I just remember Dr. Gelman coming in when I was crowning.
I remember thinking at some point that they said they would call the doctor when it was time. I remember panicking and thinking that man was probably having sex with his wife and I would have to wait until the was done. I was not rational in those moments.
I started pushing and he walked in. He pulled Logan out. I remember crying and saying thank God. Not because he was here but because the pain was gone. At one point during I remember telling that I was going to have to cut me because his head was so big.
Another memory I have, was the nurse checking me before I started pushing. I remember her telling that she could see dark hair.
They pulled him out and put him on my stomach. He was so beautiful. He did not have any hair. So I really do not think the nurse knew what she was looking at before I was pushing.
I had him at 3:48 or 3:59am. I get mixed only because they initially mixed up the times on different documents. So it never stuck in my long term memory.
I could not sleep. I was so excited. The nurse cleaned me up and before you know I was walking around. I was so happy. I called my dad.
He came straight to the hospital. He seem to gloat over him and left. Soon after that, I am not sure when but my mom and MS showed up. It is blurry for the rest of the day.
I remember that when I went to sleep, the nurse came in and wanted to take Logan to the nursery. I was not having it. She was kinda mean. She told I needed the rest. I told her that she was not going to be with me when I take him home.
She came back later and told me that I needed to leave my door opened. I pretty sure that she was not happy about teen moms. Whatever, the next day I was discharged. It took them forever to come get me and I got pissy and took him blankets and my hospital gown. You can still see the benadine on garment.
Today 15 years later, so much has changed. I would love to say he is my little man but he is not. He is a teenager. Sometimes I wish I could have an hour back to hold him in my arms again.
Like I said, from the day he was born I never been alone. He is the start of the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that I have not been perfect, but I love him with all my heart and soul.
Today we spent his birthday without Joe. We had beautiful day. We went to the mall and hung out. We bought video games, shirts, and hats. Then we ate at Cinnamunster. After that he had a doctor appointment with the eye doctor. They checked his eye for damage from the tennis ball. Everything was good. The doctor wrote him a prescription for glasses and we were off.
We went to play laser tag at Laser Quest. We had a blast. I ranked higher than the kids. I was ranked 17th, Logan ranked 27th just one higher than little Joey. Taylor ranked 25th.
Then we went to Buffalo Wild Wings. It was a wonderful day. I hope that all birthdays were this good. I wish Joe was there but I doubt he would have enjoyed the day like we did.
Looking at the clock, it is 11 til midnight and Logan birthday will be over. I still in shock that he is 15. It was 15 for me that went so terribly wrong. I hope that Logan has an easier time. I pray that I do a better job than my parents.
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