Logan Stories: The BP Story

Not sure who put me in charge, but some how I am a mom. Well as many people know I have a teenager. While I was a pain in the butt teenager, I was aware of the world around me and I had interest in politics.

My son, who I found officially on the last day of school, failed the 10th grade. Not only did he fail on a whole, he failed all 7 classes but passed all of his state exams. Let me repeat, my son who use to be in honors classes, FAILED all 7 of his classes.

So in my infinite wisdom I came up with the plan. My husband and I felt Logan must have consequences.

So I decided while I am at work he had to learn something. I mean seriously I have my masters, well I am almost have my masters. I can teach the butt face something valuable. My husband told me that Tupac's mom had to read the New York Times when he was doing poorly in school.

So I woke him and bought him a book about the Vietnam War. He sat on the couch and read it. Then he did about an hour of Suduko to sharpen his brain. Then I had read the USA today. I picked really important sections relating to the war, teen issues, and the Crisis in the gulf.

So all was going well until I asked him about the political cartoon. He told me did not know what it means. I looked at him and inquired about what he did not understand.

Mom, what is a "BP"?

My brain went blank and stare at this boy who was about to become a man. Something just did not register in my head. After the many, many conversations my husband had since the spill started, the boy did not even sit up and notice.

"Son it stands for British Petroleum, " I responded after my mind fully comprehended that he seriously did not know.

"So it is part of Britain?

No, it is company headquartered in the United Kingdom and they own the oil well that is leaking.

I thought I heard crickets and a tumble weeds blew throw the living room.

I asked this child if he knew about the oil spill and they taught him anything in school. AND how did you know who BP was while living in my house.

I explained and reconsidered participating in public education. But at last, I was stuck because of the recession I did not have a job in Public Relations.......yet.

How To.......Tips for Children so Mommy's Head Does Not Explode Part 3

How to......Fill the ICE TRAYS

Children,

I know in the new high tech world most people have ice makers, but unfortunately we are not one of those families. Ice Makers is for families with real money and we ain't got any of that green stuff.

So it is up to you to fill the ice trays. This task is quite complicated. So I would to review the process with you just in case.

STEP 1:First remove the tray from the freezer(the freezer is the top door on the refrigerator or ice box depends on your region).

STEP 2:If the tray has no ice cubes in it, please proceed to the sink and turn on the water at the faucet. Then move the tray under running water and move the tray in a back and fourth motion.

STEP 3: Once full PLEASE return the tray to the freezer. Do not sit it on the counter or the table, these things do not freeze water.

This is to be done after you remove any piece of ice from each trays.

I am just here to help because at anytime I cannot responsible for my behavior if I pull a tray out and there is nothing in them.

I assure it will not detract you from your video game or Spongebob Square Pants time it takes exactly 10 seconds if using these steps.

Joey Hearts Dr. Phil

So my Joey is quite the character. He is having a really rough time with Logan being a teenager and not playing with him anymore. They have quite a few arguments about Pokeman and video games.

Since I have been working at home, I tend to watch Dr. Phil a lot. And I guess I did not realize what a profound impact it was having on Joey. The other day he got mad at Logan and told us he was contacting Dr Phil. Apparently Joey believes Dr. Phil knows all. We all kinda laughed because he was cute but he was completely serious.

Well this rivalry is pretty serious because he told me he googled Dr. Phil the other day to tell him about Logan. He told me he was going to email Dr. Phil and since I can find emails, I should find Dr. Phil's email. I explained it is not that simple. I tried to explain to him Logan is just a normal teenager but atlas I am not getting through.

Joe does a great Dr. Phil voice, he tried to talk to Joey in it and the poor kid just gets mad.

So according to Joey, Dr. Phil is the savior of 6 year olds.

The Arguments: Joey VS Taylor

So my children have taken up arguing as a full time hobby. Yeah ME.

I do not think they can get through a day without it. It comes as naturally as breathing to them.

So yesterday Taylor was loading the dishwasher. When my daughter does this, she wears her iPod Shuffle. Lately she sings out loud during the process and without the music in the background it sounds a bit odd. Yesterday during a rendition of one particular song that she loves, Joey got annoyed. He was playing on the computer directly behind her and Joe and I were sitting on the couch in the living room.

Suddenly Joey states, "Taylor stop singing, you are annoying me."

"I can sing if I want."

"Taylor stop singing, you make my head hurt, " Joey responded.

Now mature parents would have went in the kitchen and stopped the argument before it progressed. But as I have established in past posts, Joe and I are not mature parents. So Joe and I sat on the couch and giggled.

Taylor got louder, Joey informed her about what he thought of her singing. Then little Joey turned up his music. Joe and I continued to giggle on the couch.

Finally Joey turned the music on his computer way up and I interceded.

Because while there argument was cute and funny. It is kinda neat to listen to how they interact.

The noise trumped all other cuteness.

Which brings me to this valuable lesson.

PARENTS do not care about JUSTICE, they want quiet. -Bill Cosby