Mommy Secrets Revealed..........

Mommy Got Talent

Mommies have the unique ability to stare straight at a child while they talk and never comprehend a word they are saying.

Sometimes the only thing we hear is, "So is it okay with you mom?"

A lot of times we have no idea what we just agreed to let you do or have.

This gives children a tactical advantage in the war. They can always say, "But mommy you agreed."

We might have. We don't know. If we get mad, that means we can't remember.

Mommy Secrets Revealed

Mommies do not have eyes in the back of their heads.

Children do not realize that sound travels.

It does not matter the age, a child will always look at as if to say......"How did you know?"

My poor children still have not figured it out.

Sometimes I think they thing I am old and going deaf.

Mommy Rules

Here are the rules in my house. They might be similar in yours.


NOTE: I do not care about fair or justice. That is democracy, you live in a dictatorship.


1. Clean laundry is to be put away:
I did not just spend four hours washing and folding for you to put your clothes on the floor, by the dresser, next to the closet......or any where else which is not the proper place.

2. Do not drag me into your arguments:
This is for your own sanity. I do not care who started it, who is right, who is the victim......I only care about quiet and your arguments are not quiet. If you have any sense, please negotiate with your sister and/or brother. You will NOT like how I settle it. Please refer to NOTE above.

3. Dishwashers, put all dishes in the dishwasher:
Now I am sure that you do not want to hear about how I had to wash dishes by hand back in the day (80s). You should appreciate the fact that you have one and fill the dishwasher to capacity. I do not want to walk in and just see plates and cups in the dishwasher and the pots and pans in the sink. AND no, it does not take 24 hours for pots and pans to soak.

4. I am not the entertainment committee:
I have no idea why you so are bored. I am not sure why Santa brought you all those toys if they were going to bore you. So maybe Santa will bring you clothes next year, since you are bored with all your toys by January.

5. You do not need a snack every hour:
No one needs to eat every hour. I know that your metabolism is faster than mine, but please.
If you are eating out of boredom, please reference number 4.

6. Do not only talk to me when you want something:
It is not my job to be your personal granter of wishes. Please talk to me about more than what you want. Nothing is more annoying to any mom it than constantly hear "Can I have....." We are people too, we were not born to grant you every wish.

7. Toilet Paper:
This is big one. IT BELONGS ON THE ROLL. Not beside it, not on the floor, not on the back of the toilet, ON THE ROLL. It takes a total of 5 more seconds to put it on the roll. Please do so.

8. Television Rights: You have none. See note above. If I want watch America's Got Talent or Cake Boss, too bad. If I want to watch a R-rated movie on HBO, your father and I paid for it. When you get jobs and pay for cable, you can watch FlapJack or SpongeBob until your little hearts content.

9: My Memory:
My memory is not that bad, if you repeat something more than twice, I will remember it. If you repeat more than 20 times, I am going to get mad. Granted I cannot remember all your names all the times, but my brain does function.

10. My Word is Final:
As I said before, I do not care about fair or justice. So save your breathe for debate class. I am like President Bush, I do not negotiate with terrorist.

*** These rules are posted for your self-interest. At anytime if I feel it necessary to change them for your welfare, your safety, or my amusement, I shall do so. I have no obligation to let you know in advance.

Steps to Making Rice Krispies Treat with Children

Here are the Step By Step Instructions.

Took me 30 something years to figure it out, but I got it down to the science.

Step one, argue with your children on who gets to pour the cereal and the marshmallows in the pan.

Step two, take the marshmallows away from said kids who are still arguing and put them in the container and put it in the oven.

Step three, add 3 tablespoons of butter while still in the oven, while trying to protect the remanding marshmallows from the 5 year old's greedy hands.

Step four, tell your 5 year old that it will be another 30 seconds every time he asks. This will last for about 5 minutes.

Step five, pull pan out of the oven. Let the ten year old stir the marshmallows and the 5 year old pour the cereal. Tip....try really hard not to lose count of the cups. The 5 year old will forget and this will start an argument.

Step six, after all the cereal and the marshmallow is mixed by the children, tell them good job. And take over. Mix it the proper way while the kids are licking their fingers.

Final step, take wax paper and push the mixture down. Then remind the children that no one can eat it until it sets. Then remind them that you will shoot them in the face if anyone touches the treats before they are ready. Repeat if necessary.

Then turn on the WII to keep them occupied.

Just a reminder...if you sleep late you will not get any treats. Make sure to eat at least one before you go to bed.