A letter to my Children: Guess Blogger

A good friend of mine who has three children had a really bad day. We all know those days, the days where you are so angry you can feel it in every cell of your being.

She sent me this:

I am the freakin materfamilias (look it up in that thingy called a dictionary)

Got that??

This letter is to all of my children.

I am not going to name names as I type through this because each one

of you knows what it is you do. Do not attempt to be in denial about it.

With that being said, let me begin.

First off, I was so angry this morning, I thought my eyeballs would blow out of my head. I wanted to ram my truck right into that bus so I could give you even more of a ripping about how insane you all must truly be. What on this planet makes you think you can feed me some line of crap to weasel out of telling me the truth about what you are really thinking? If you don’t feel comfortable in telling me what you’re thinking, maybe that is a sign that this particular thought has no merit. I have a hard time believing that you feel like you can’t tell me the truth (like I’m going to beat your tail or some stewpit thing), so I am sticking with believing what you’re thinking has no merit.

I am sick and tired of being treated as your equal. I am not your equal. I am your mother and I deserve some respect as such. I am above you, like it or not. I pay your bills, I cook for you, I clean for you, I help you do better in school, and I try to help you do better in life. What has happened in any of your lives that has led you to believe that you are on my level, and that you deserve to have the things that I have and have already spent a good part of my life working so hard for??? I know what you are thinking, OMG! Mom is griping again. Well OMG right back at ya!!! I am over it. I try really hard to be a good mom and a little a lot of freaking cooperation would be nice. That doesn’t mean tell me what I want to hear. That means actually to LEARN from what I am telling you.

HOLY CRAP….LEARN?? YOU MUST BE JOKING RIGHT??!!!! But we are just kids mom, what are you talking about? We just want to be free to play games and sit around and eat whatever we like. Why should we have responsibility when we have you and Dad to handle all of our needs? After all, you and Dad chose to bring us into this world…so why must you make us suffer??? We had no say in the matter. Yeah, that’s right…I know that’s what you are

thinking. I pulled that crap when I was your age too.

These teenager years are sure to send me right over the edge. I have had an earful of WEE WAA. OH mom, do we have to talk…OMG, I just want to pretend the world is just going to fall in my lap and everything will be peachy perfect without me having to lift a finger. Are you serious???? Really???? I would like to set all 3 of you out on the side of road and let you see how far you’ll get on your raging good looks and the clothes on your back, and oh yeah, that Game Stop member card. That’ll really get you far!!! It is appalling where your priorities are sometimes. I want you to have fun, but can I get a reality check here?? Is this microphone on??? You are not babies anymore. Get over it. Suck it up and be somebody. Oh yeah, and just because you aren’t complete buttholes 24/7 doesn’t mean I should never correct you. Guess what…you are not perfect, your way is not always right, your way is not always best. I get so freakin tired of constantly saying , if you’re gonna do something…do it to your best ability. All I can

say is, if people routinely do a half-butt job for me…what am I supposed to think? Not much effort, guess it’s not very important! Oh mom, you don’t like the way I do anything. Am I not good enough? Do you not love me? Can I ever please you? OMG, call the freakin wambulance already. What a bunch of bogus crap.

Get over the laziness and lack of motivation already! When I ask and then show you how to do

something, please follow my lead. When you own your own house, pay your own bills, take care of your own yard, run yourself and your children anywhere you or they need to go, go grocery shopping, clean the house, buy clothes for everyone, make yourself get up and go to work day in and day out, buy vehicles, pay for health insurance and car insurance, and pay for gas …THEN YOU CAN DO THINGS YOUR WAY!

Here’s the deal

Life’s not easy

Nothing is free

Maybe you should take that money you are spending on video games and buy a bubble to live in.

I have spent much time today with my head in my hands. This day did not start well, nor does it continue to go well. All 3 of you have a large impact on my life and you don’t even realize it. Do you get that?

YOU HAVE A LARGE IMPACT ON MY LIFE…MY DAY TO DAY LIVING.

You have no idea how much I stick up for

you boys…all the time.

That is all for now.

Teenage Karma and the shocking Mom reveal

It has become increasing clear to me that because I am mom of a teenager, a preteen, and a 2nd grader, I am no longer cool. The days of dressing in black, wearing doc martins, and head banging to Smells Like Teen Spirit has passed. I have accepted the fact that my sole role in life is to embarrass my children. In fact, I make it an art form. My favorite strategy is generally singing loudly to some random song as we drive down the road. My second favorite is to say things like, "OMG and LOL" in random sentences in front of friends.

However nothing I really do now shocks my children. They have heard "your momma" jokes from me one too many times. I have to work to get them going. Today that opportunity arose. My inner geek arose and I shocked the teenager.

The opportunity presented itself early Sunday. I was the only one awake in the house. So I was flipping through the television. There is not a lot of options early Sunday morning. So I checked out HBO looking for Time Travelers Wife and low and behold there it was, Dragonball Z: Evolution.

So I ran in the kids' room and to wake up Joey. Both boys have a strange obsession with Pokemon, Dragonball Z, and other weird Japanese animated cartoons. As soon as Joey understood what I was talking about, he ran to the couch. He did not pass go, did not collect 200 dollars, or even go to the restroom. We both sat on the couch side by side, watching this live action Dragonball Z movie. Honestly I found it pretty entertaining and Joey was enthralled and quiet. There were times he giggled and other times he tried to explain Japan to me as if it was an alien planet.

I listened and watched and listened and watched. I absorbed everything. Joey tried to wake Logan, but atlas he had no luck.

Dinner came around, I had made a nice Gluten Free Lasagna. While we were waiting for the lasagna to cool, I dropped the bomb.

I was like, "SO Logan I watch Dragonball Z this morning. "

The child's expression went blank as if I had just told him I was going to walk on the moon in my pajamas while dancing the Chicken Dance.

His response, "No you didn't"

I said, " Yes I did. I know that Goku grandfather died and gave him a Dragonball for his 18th birthday. He had to find all seven dragonballs before Picolo did and wished for Ocryus to come back so he can rule the world. I know that Goku has Ocyrus deep inside him and that he turned into a animal thingy. I know that Goku fought the enemy within and chose to be good. And defeated Picolo. I know that he used all seven dragonballs to call forth the dragon to make a wish to bring back his master, who I cannot pronouce his name. AND I know he marries She She and they have a son named Gohan."

Logan's face was blank and a look of complete confusion swept over his face. Apparently moms are not suppose to know about Japanese animation. Besides the absolute shock from his face, there was a certain amount of wow there too. In fact, during dinner I babbled on and on about this and he stayed quiet. Finally my husband started getting angry because the two younger children were having a debate about Goku and his wife and their kids.

I looked at him like, you know this is what you get for having a thing for nerdy women. You married me, my inner nerd was going to eventually surface. That nerdiness was going to passed to at least one, if not all of our children. Now when my inner nerd arises it deeply disturbs my 16 year old and it is just a bonus to my day. However, I am concerned that I will have to put money away for some future therapy for the boy.

Joey's Story: The Cup

There are not many times when inspiration strikes or my children will do something funny that I debate on whether I should blog about it. Most of the time, I feel I must share a story. This particular one I have debated and debated. Finally I decided, I must share it.

Most people who know my youngest son knows that he is proud of his "parts", which I come to believe is normal as long as he knows not to show his "parts" off in public.

I do not share a bathroom with children, nor do I want to. All three are constantly arguing over flushing the toilet, apparently no one does but yet everyone does it. Not to mention, I think Taylor might kill one of the boys if they do not start lifting toilet seat.

Logan wanted to take a shower on Thursday, which is awesome. We encourage our children to shower, in fact we pretty much demand it. When one of our children wants to take a shower, we celebrate, especially the teenager.

SO Logan went to take a shower(on his own accord), and he came in the living room with a 32 oz Iron Man plastic cup. The conversation went a little like this:

"Mom, I think Joey peed in this cup."

"what??"

"I think Joey peed in the cup."

"what???" My brain was not processing this.

I got up and walked over to my oldest child and looked down in the cup. I then looked at Joey.

"NO." Joey responded.

I then gave him that do not lie to me look.

"Did you"?"

"Yes"

Then the next couple minutes were a little fuzzy because I was blinded by the fury within.

What ever I said or yelled in the next couple of minutes, I have no memory of. I just remember Joey sitting and crying on his bed.

For the next 15 minutes, almost everyone in the house sat quietly. I am not sure but I might have actually turned into the Hulk and my family was hoping that I turned from a green monster back to my everyday self.

So after the anger calmed, my husband walked into Joey's room. Two minutes later he walked out, with a look of confusion on his face.

"Joey told me that Logan did not flush the toilet two days ago, so he did not want the toilet to overflow. So he peed in the cup and left it by the shower."

With the fury rising again, " He is lying" was my only response. My husband just kept silent.

Later when I was calmer and tired of hearing Joey scream from his bed, "can I get up", I approached this child.

"Why did you pee in the cup joey?"

"I don't know?"

"Joey every one knows why they do something, no matter the reason, you know why you did what you did. Why did you pee in the cup?"

"I don't know?"

So I left the room due to the fear that I might turn into crazy mommy hulk.

Later that day, Joe took Joey to the store with him. I think he took because he was a little afraid of me at the time.

This incident is far beyond my reasoning. I have three sisters, maybe I am not use to boys. But Logan is 16, he has always been so private. He would not even urinate in the woods when were out and about when he was 4. It is hard for me to wrap my head around peeing in a cup and leaving beside the bathtub for two days. And I really do not think I want to know the real reason he did what he did. Maybe one day when he goes off to college he will shed some light on the situation. Maybe just maybe I will not be mad about it by that time. MAYBE

The End of Year ADULT Pool Party

Some stories just have to be told and this is one of them.

Let me start by giving you a back story. Every time one who has ever been to the pool know this one couple. They are notorious for being drunk........constantly. One particular incident led to the intoxicated man grabbing my noodle(my swim float), and putting it between his legs and riding it like a pony. Needless to say, the noodle was officially retired into the garbage on the way home and I fumed about for weeks.

So last night Honey Tree Apartments threw an end-of-the-year adult party. They went all out they hired belly dancers and TJ the DJ.

Now this party was a non-alcoholic party. However there was nothing to say that people could not drink before hand. The belly dancers got up and started their performance and it happened. The first intoxicated lady(who I am pretty sure had been drinking since the morning), got up and started dancing with the belly dancers. They looked a bit shocked. The girl was so smashed, she was dancing facing the wrong way and looking at herself in the glass doors behind her.

Finally the belly dancers finished up with requesting every one up on stage to dance with them. Now I am pretty comfortable with my self but I am completely sober, so that was not happening. A lot of people got up and it was cute.

Then it was time for TJ the DJ. He started spinning and then he started up the karaoke. First song sung......Sweet Home Alabama. Most of the people were not bad. We noticed that the drunk couple had been dancing provocatively randomly and they were getting a little hot and heavy.

Then it happened. Our former neighbor from the building with the fire, got up and asked us if we wanted to rock. Well of course and his response.......well it is not happening tonight.

Then he belted out a version of Under the Sea. The man sounded like Cookie Monster. It was truly the highlight of my night.

Quite a few more people got up and sang and the drunk inappropriate couple continued to randomly dance. I realized the drunk couple was the same couple who were always drunk at the pool and the man had put his privates on my noodle. They were both smashed.

And then it happened, the climax of the party. The lifeguard blew his whistle. He got up and walked around the pool because a woman in the pool was not responding. She was floating but not responding. He walked over to her side of the pool and blew the whistle. No response. He jumped in.

Apparently the woman had fell asleep or passed out, who knows. And he pulls her out of the pool. She is full of smiles. We are all watching in awe as the woman who came out of the pool was the same intoxicated woman who danced with the belly dancers and staring at herself. Apparently she was also good friends with the drunk couple.

Personally I think the three should sell their services as entertainment for adult parties.

Want to make your party a blast, call the drunk trio. They will act inappropriately and make every one uncomfortable, and send every one home with loads of laughs.

All and all it was fun. It was nice to get and have adult fun.

Logan and the Napkin

Well Friday night came and none of the children had plans. So they were all stuck with mommy. I decided to take the boys to get haircuts and get a few school supplies at Target. Knowing that taking all three children any where usually makes me literally insane. This particular night was particularity bad.

By the time we were done at Target I literally wanted to punch my husband square in the face. Not that he had done anything. Just because he was not there and he is my partner when it comes to dealing with them.

For some reason, they kids behave better when he is around. I have no idea why, because I have the biggest temper.

So knowing that I wanted to kill this man, he met us for dinner at Jason's Deli.

The first thing I saw on the counter was a Gluten Free sign, they now had GF bread. Finally my night was looking up. I ordered my sandwich(the first time in 6 months) and sat in anticipation.

About 15 minutes into the meal, it happened.

Let me frame this, some one in our house is always spilling something. I cannot tell you how many times Joey has dropped his drinks in various places in Richmond. Once when we went to the Richmond Flying Squirrels game, he dropped his hot dog and then I gave him mind because he was crying and he dropped mine.

He had already dropped his hot cocoa from Starbucks in Target. So I thought we had met our quota for the night.

I was wrong.

This time the guilty party was my daughter. She knocked over her almost full coke. The children had set at a different table on this glorious night because quite frankly I had enough of their faces.

So I look back and roll my eyes and told the teenager, who was vaguely staring at the mess waiting for to magically disappear, to go get napkins to clean up the mess.

Well the boy obvious did not notice the plural verbiage. So he trots back with one napkin. Yes that is right one napkin. If you did not get that, my 16 year old son ran and got one napkin to clean up an almost full glass of soda.

It was at that point that I looked at my husband and told him to look at the boy. His response, " the boy is going to live with us forever."

I had to know, "Logan why did you get one napkin?"

He shrugged and with his big puppy dog eyes and said, "I don't know."

It has now occurred to me that my husband is right. He is not moving out. Not because he has some infinite love for us and wants to stay with us,but because I do not think he would ever find his way out of parking lot. He would just drive around town wondering where his new place is located.

Logan and Joey: DS and Privates

Well it is quite obvious I should receive the award for the least mature parent of 2010.

I come in from Barnes and Nobles fuming because I was working on a paper and this group of people in the their golden years thought it necessary to sit next to me and use traditional means of conversing. I mean seriously who communicates without Facebook now a days. I digress.

So I walk in the door and the first thing my lovely husband says to me........"Ask me what your son did."

I fight the urge to run right back out the door and look at him and wonder which child did what. Logan was standing there with a proud look on his face.

So I bite," What did you do?"

Logan was never able to respond.

"Ask your son where he put Joey's DS"

No pause, " He put Joey's DS in his pants."

I immediately threw my hand over my mouth.

"Yeah, mom he stuck my DS on his penis and now it smells," Joey responded, "MOM, it is not funny, stop laughing."

I turned my head to where he could not see me and told him, " I am not laughing at that, I am laughing at something someone else told me the other day." (This is a classic line the kids have used on me many times)

It is at that time I looked up and see Logan was standing there. He was starting to realize I was too amused to punish him. Truly that is about the only way our children can escape trouble. Making us laugh is the valued asset in this house.

So with my hand over my mouth, I walked back to the room and started my lecture.

"LOGAN as a mom, I have to tell you that is horrible for you stick any of Joey's toys on your privates parts. But as an older sister.......hysterical."

"MOM", was the response from Joey in the background. "It is not funny that Logan put my DS on his nuts."

With that being said, it is air apparent I am least mature parent in the world. Sometimes I wonder who put me in charge in the first place.

Joey's First Crush.......Awwwww

So my little baby boy, one of the sweetest children, I know. Well my baby boy, has his first crush. If he knew I was blogging about it, he would be pouting in his room if she was not here.

So Taylor has slowly developed a wonderful friendship with a middle school girl named Sophie. Sophie and Taylor spend a great amount of time with each other. They are currently making a little horror movie for youtube.

Joe and I noticed that every time Sophie comes over, Joey suddenly has clothes on. We encourage our children to stay clothed but Joey has been anti-clothing since he was born. As soon as he learned how to dress himself, he learned how to undress himself. Many times when Joe and I get home with the kids from a family event, this child is suddenly in his underwear. Joe and I will barely have put our keys down and almost naked Joey is running around.

So we knew something was up when he started dressing himself under no duress.

Oh course, Joe and I are mature parents and asked the boy if he liked Sophie. Okay, okay it was more like.......Joey likes Sophie, Joey likes Sophie.

Which made him stomp out of the room.

Finally, we told Joey. "Look it is okay to think she is pretty."

He said to me with his arms crossed and his face pick, "OKAY I think she is pretty but I don't LOOOOOOVVVVVEEE her."

Many times over the next days, I heard a yell out of my little boy......"I don't lOOOOOVVVVEEEE her TAYLOR and/or LOGAN."

This is the price of being a Rupp.

So today Sophia came over so Logan can help her put strings on her new guitar. We noticed that not only had Joey put on clothes. It was not just the clothes he put on, it was the outfit he had chosen. He choose a pair of jeans(unzipped) and a sleeveless Ohio State shirt that shows his belly because it is 3 sizes to small. He looks like a little muscle builder from the 80s.

I cannot wait to blog about Logan and Taylor first crush.