Logan and Joey: DS and Privates

Well it is quite obvious I should receive the award for the least mature parent of 2010.

I come in from Barnes and Nobles fuming because I was working on a paper and this group of people in the their golden years thought it necessary to sit next to me and use traditional means of conversing. I mean seriously who communicates without Facebook now a days. I digress.

So I walk in the door and the first thing my lovely husband says to me........"Ask me what your son did."

I fight the urge to run right back out the door and look at him and wonder which child did what. Logan was standing there with a proud look on his face.

So I bite," What did you do?"

Logan was never able to respond.

"Ask your son where he put Joey's DS"

No pause, " He put Joey's DS in his pants."

I immediately threw my hand over my mouth.

"Yeah, mom he stuck my DS on his penis and now it smells," Joey responded, "MOM, it is not funny, stop laughing."

I turned my head to where he could not see me and told him, " I am not laughing at that, I am laughing at something someone else told me the other day." (This is a classic line the kids have used on me many times)

It is at that time I looked up and see Logan was standing there. He was starting to realize I was too amused to punish him. Truly that is about the only way our children can escape trouble. Making us laugh is the valued asset in this house.

So with my hand over my mouth, I walked back to the room and started my lecture.

"LOGAN as a mom, I have to tell you that is horrible for you stick any of Joey's toys on your privates parts. But as an older sister.......hysterical."

"MOM", was the response from Joey in the background. "It is not funny that Logan put my DS on his nuts."

With that being said, it is air apparent I am least mature parent in the world. Sometimes I wonder who put me in charge in the first place.

Taylor Stories: The DS Incident

It is the Christmas season and I remember something Ralphie said in "The Christmas Story," nothing got a child in more trouble than broken glasses. I am paraphrasing of course because I have not watch the movie yet this season.

I would like to add to that statement. Nothing gets a child in more trouble than broken glasses and a lost or damage Nintendo DS (PSP certainly qualifies).

The day after Thanksgiving is usually a quiet day. My husband and I had tried to go to Old Navy because they advertised great promo. It was pouring rain and the place was not opened. Black Friday turned out to be a disaster, thanks Old Navy.

You might be wondering what this has to do with my daughter DS incident. Nothing really I am just still mad.

Anyway I slept in that day due to the fact I had stayed up all night. Quite frankly the next day I felt like I had a hangover even though I never drank anything.

So when the children wanted to go outside and play, I was all for it. Considering I was still tired I did not notice the objects they took outside.

Three hours after they went out, I walked outside to check on these children. No one was at the playground. The playground is literally next door to our apartment.

So I got into my car and drove around the park. I found these children playing by a creek in the middle of the park. Well I am already mad and this just added to my fury. Here is a tip for all you children. NO PARENT WANTS TO HAVE TO LOOK FOR YOU.

So I informed these children of mine to come home IMMEDIATELY.

So they did. When Taylor came through the door she was hystrecial. I heard the dreaded words that any mom who lives in a capitalist country does not want to hear.

"MOM, someone stole my DS."

My mind froze. What did this child just say? Why was her DS outside?

I was instantly angry. Furious was a better description.

"You did what?"

Some rational part of my brain said........Don't yell. Don't yell.

Of course the emotional angry part of my brain then cursed at my rational part of my brain and told it to shut up.

The yelling commenced. The tears flew. The yelling continued.

What do you mean your DS was stolen? This is what I meant say.

So here is the story as I remember between the yelling.

"Mommy, I took my DS outside to play. Logan wanted to take us to the other part of the park to play. So I hide my DS on the playground so no one would find. I came back and it was gone. Someone stole it."

I am not sure what part of this was a good idea.

My response:

"Why did you take your DS on the playground? Why didn't you bring it inside? Was the walk to long for you? What made you think you had permission to take it outside."

Her response:

"I didn't know I was not aloud."

Pause................yelling again. Crying again.

Logan went searching for the DS. I sat on the couch and tried again to calm down.

Taylor sat on her bed sobbing.

So later that night my daughter who is a genious at kissing up comes to me with this incredible solo performance.

"Mommy, I think I deserve a spanking. You should spank me. Daddy should spank me. Then you should ground me for three months. I mean I feel like I am the most retarded person in the whole world. I deserve severe punishment"

I had no words (which does not happen often).

Either two things, she was sincere or she was super smooth. I have not decided yet.

This has not been concluded yet because Logan did not find her DS. I made fliers with REWARD at the top of them. I am hoping someone finds it or turns it in.

I have not punished her yet. Joe and I are still discussing it. We are in unfamiliar territory.