Dinner Conversations

So due to the fact we somewhat like the kids sometimes, we always sit down for dinner every night. The television is out sight so we can focus on family time. Each child has an opportunity to talk about their day. The first round usually goes pretty smooth with little argument. 

Tonight the two oldest decided to discuss their constant irritations with each other. Taylor informed us Logan he did not change his clothes for a couple of days and he informed us that she did not brush her hair and her tooth brush. 

My husband, in his infinite wisdom, reminded both of them that both of them are guilty of various things. Logan of course had improved and made his case about how clean he was now that school started. 

  This is lead the conversation led to shaving. We started talking about Logan first experiences shaving. Any one that has read my blog or seen my facebook status might remember Joey's attempt to shave his face on his 7th birthday. 

Logan would not be outdone. 

Recently Logan shaved one armpit. He reminded us of this at the dinner table. I knew he had done it  but for whatever reason I never got a straight answer out of him on why. 

So while we were all sharing at the table, I asked him why he had shaved his arm pit. 

He told me he only shaved one because he wanted to know what would happen. I am guessing he wanted to compare.

Staring at the child that I carried in my body for 9 months, I had to ask him if noticed a difference. 

"Yeah, one itched and the other didn't. I won't do that again."

The Plastic Fork: A Logan Classic

There are some things your kids do that you never will let go much less let them forget. Not to mention, there is a good chance I might still be mad.   I was telling this story in public the other day in a public place and people in the room started laughing. So I knew I must put this online and share it with the world.

I believe there is a moment in every parent life when they wonders if perhaps someone dropped your child on their head and did not tell you.

That moment for me came when Logan was in 4th grade.

I exaggerated a bit in my last blog, I do not hate all school functions. At Glen Springs Elementary, they did a fundraiser an annual fundraiser for the Safety Patrol DC trip. They had a school yard sale and parents could buy a table for 5 bucks and sale their own items. This was a highly successful fundraiser. It was easy to get parents to participation. I was one of those parents who was happy to buy a table.

I packed up some useless stuff that was collecting dust and made my oldest son accompany me to the yard sale. The day was pretty successful and towards  the end of the morning I let Logan play with one of his classmates. I thought.....what trouble could this child get into on school premises. That was not the brightest thought I have ever had.

After about 30 minutes, Ms. Haile(why is all assistant principal named Ms Haile, I bet there is some statistic that supports it) came out of the school with my son who was looking incredibly guilty.

This child which I carried in my body for nine months, kiss his boo boos, held while he cried, and fed noodle soup when he was sick, had managed to get in trouble for one of the dumbest things ever in the universe.

Logan was caught in the teachers' snack room trying to break in the snack machine with a plastic fork. That is right you read right, a plastic fork. I am not creative enough to make this up.

My son, who up until that moment, I never questioned his intelligence got suspended in the 4th grade for trying to break into a snack machine with a plastic fork.

Now to make this story even funnier, I just asked this teenager of mine if it was a fork or a knife because I was not entirely sure if it was a fork.  He walked into the living room and said, "Do you want to know the truth, " I was not sure at this point, "it was both."

Fortunately he was not a alone. Somewhere in Florida, Logan's accomplice possibly has to hear his mom tell people the story about the day her son tried to break in a snack machine with this weird Logan kid.

Logan and Joey: DS and Privates

Well it is quite obvious I should receive the award for the least mature parent of 2010.

I come in from Barnes and Nobles fuming because I was working on a paper and this group of people in the their golden years thought it necessary to sit next to me and use traditional means of conversing. I mean seriously who communicates without Facebook now a days. I digress.

So I walk in the door and the first thing my lovely husband says to me........"Ask me what your son did."

I fight the urge to run right back out the door and look at him and wonder which child did what. Logan was standing there with a proud look on his face.

So I bite," What did you do?"

Logan was never able to respond.

"Ask your son where he put Joey's DS"

No pause, " He put Joey's DS in his pants."

I immediately threw my hand over my mouth.

"Yeah, mom he stuck my DS on his penis and now it smells," Joey responded, "MOM, it is not funny, stop laughing."

I turned my head to where he could not see me and told him, " I am not laughing at that, I am laughing at something someone else told me the other day." (This is a classic line the kids have used on me many times)

It is at that time I looked up and see Logan was standing there. He was starting to realize I was too amused to punish him. Truly that is about the only way our children can escape trouble. Making us laugh is the valued asset in this house.

So with my hand over my mouth, I walked back to the room and started my lecture.

"LOGAN as a mom, I have to tell you that is horrible for you stick any of Joey's toys on your privates parts. But as an older sister.......hysterical."

"MOM", was the response from Joey in the background. "It is not funny that Logan put my DS on his nuts."

With that being said, it is air apparent I am least mature parent in the world. Sometimes I wonder who put me in charge in the first place.