Teenage Karma and the shocking Mom reveal

It has become increasing clear to me that because I am mom of a teenager, a preteen, and a 2nd grader, I am no longer cool. The days of dressing in black, wearing doc martins, and head banging to Smells Like Teen Spirit has passed. I have accepted the fact that my sole role in life is to embarrass my children. In fact, I make it an art form. My favorite strategy is generally singing loudly to some random song as we drive down the road. My second favorite is to say things like, "OMG and LOL" in random sentences in front of friends.

However nothing I really do now shocks my children. They have heard "your momma" jokes from me one too many times. I have to work to get them going. Today that opportunity arose. My inner geek arose and I shocked the teenager.

The opportunity presented itself early Sunday. I was the only one awake in the house. So I was flipping through the television. There is not a lot of options early Sunday morning. So I checked out HBO looking for Time Travelers Wife and low and behold there it was, Dragonball Z: Evolution.

So I ran in the kids' room and to wake up Joey. Both boys have a strange obsession with Pokemon, Dragonball Z, and other weird Japanese animated cartoons. As soon as Joey understood what I was talking about, he ran to the couch. He did not pass go, did not collect 200 dollars, or even go to the restroom. We both sat on the couch side by side, watching this live action Dragonball Z movie. Honestly I found it pretty entertaining and Joey was enthralled and quiet. There were times he giggled and other times he tried to explain Japan to me as if it was an alien planet.

I listened and watched and listened and watched. I absorbed everything. Joey tried to wake Logan, but atlas he had no luck.

Dinner came around, I had made a nice Gluten Free Lasagna. While we were waiting for the lasagna to cool, I dropped the bomb.

I was like, "SO Logan I watch Dragonball Z this morning. "

The child's expression went blank as if I had just told him I was going to walk on the moon in my pajamas while dancing the Chicken Dance.

His response, "No you didn't"

I said, " Yes I did. I know that Goku grandfather died and gave him a Dragonball for his 18th birthday. He had to find all seven dragonballs before Picolo did and wished for Ocryus to come back so he can rule the world. I know that Goku has Ocyrus deep inside him and that he turned into a animal thingy. I know that Goku fought the enemy within and chose to be good. And defeated Picolo. I know that he used all seven dragonballs to call forth the dragon to make a wish to bring back his master, who I cannot pronouce his name. AND I know he marries She She and they have a son named Gohan."

Logan's face was blank and a look of complete confusion swept over his face. Apparently moms are not suppose to know about Japanese animation. Besides the absolute shock from his face, there was a certain amount of wow there too. In fact, during dinner I babbled on and on about this and he stayed quiet. Finally my husband started getting angry because the two younger children were having a debate about Goku and his wife and their kids.

I looked at him like, you know this is what you get for having a thing for nerdy women. You married me, my inner nerd was going to eventually surface. That nerdiness was going to passed to at least one, if not all of our children. Now when my inner nerd arises it deeply disturbs my 16 year old and it is just a bonus to my day. However, I am concerned that I will have to put money away for some future therapy for the boy.

Signs for my Children: For Logan

I sat the empty box by the door to taken to the trash by the teenager. Of course it sat there and sat there. So I finally made the child a sign.

It actually worked, he took it out.

Logan Stories: The BP Story

Not sure who put me in charge, but some how I am a mom. Well as many people know I have a teenager. While I was a pain in the butt teenager, I was aware of the world around me and I had interest in politics.

My son, who I found officially on the last day of school, failed the 10th grade. Not only did he fail on a whole, he failed all 7 classes but passed all of his state exams. Let me repeat, my son who use to be in honors classes, FAILED all 7 of his classes.

So in my infinite wisdom I came up with the plan. My husband and I felt Logan must have consequences.

So I decided while I am at work he had to learn something. I mean seriously I have my masters, well I am almost have my masters. I can teach the butt face something valuable. My husband told me that Tupac's mom had to read the New York Times when he was doing poorly in school.

So I woke him and bought him a book about the Vietnam War. He sat on the couch and read it. Then he did about an hour of Suduko to sharpen his brain. Then I had read the USA today. I picked really important sections relating to the war, teen issues, and the Crisis in the gulf.

So all was going well until I asked him about the political cartoon. He told me did not know what it means. I looked at him and inquired about what he did not understand.

Mom, what is a "BP"?

My brain went blank and stare at this boy who was about to become a man. Something just did not register in my head. After the many, many conversations my husband had since the spill started, the boy did not even sit up and notice.

"Son it stands for British Petroleum, " I responded after my mind fully comprehended that he seriously did not know.

"So it is part of Britain?

No, it is company headquartered in the United Kingdom and they own the oil well that is leaking.

I thought I heard crickets and a tumble weeds blew throw the living room.

I asked this child if he knew about the oil spill and they taught him anything in school. AND how did you know who BP was while living in my house.

I explained and reconsidered participating in public education. But at last, I was stuck because of the recession I did not have a job in Public Relations.......yet.

Mommy Secrets Revealed..........

Mommy Got Talent

Mommies have the unique ability to stare straight at a child while they talk and never comprehend a word they are saying.

Sometimes the only thing we hear is, "So is it okay with you mom?"

A lot of times we have no idea what we just agreed to let you do or have.

This gives children a tactical advantage in the war. They can always say, "But mommy you agreed."

We might have. We don't know. If we get mad, that means we can't remember.

Mommy Secrets Revealed

Mommies do not have eyes in the back of their heads.

Children do not realize that sound travels.

It does not matter the age, a child will always look at as if to say......"How did you know?"

My poor children still have not figured it out.

Sometimes I think they thing I am old and going deaf.